If the child does not hear You
One my client once complained: “I was bored parrot! I can have 15 times to speak to his son: turn off the TV, put the shoes in place, take a plate. He just does not respond until barks! And, in General, are there children who obey the first time?”
This boy van 7 years. I invited his mother to his guests. The child came in and the first thing turned on the TV – without the demand itself. I asked him: “Vanya, please turn off the TV” . He habitually did not respond. I approached him, took him by the hand, looked in the eye and said: “Vanya, TV” . Then he calmly turned it off and on during the remaining three hours, all my requests were fulfilled on the first try.
I showed my mom Vani that it’s not the child. It’s just that there are adults who won’t say it again.
Children must be taught to hear us and obey the first time. When mom says a lot for a child her voice becomes the background, and he really stops to hear.
Women, in principle, by its nature, is a lot of talk on the day we need to say from 5 to 10 thousand words! Can you imagine? But not necessarily the whole flow to be poured on the child. You can call her friends, mother, to leave a few words to her husband.
One of the most frequent problems – children give a lot of instructions . constantly ask for something, but do not control implementation:
“where are You going? Can’t go there! Ah, always somewhere to climb!” – says mother and she helps to get the baby somewhere just to get banned…
Over the weekend watched: a Child throwing pebbles into the river. It would seem, what a nice and pleasant experience. But standing next to the mother said: “as You throw? Go the other way. Oh, not by small car… You get up – then you’re better. Why are you all the stones I throw? I want the rain to do? Well throw already, what froze!” the Child was silent, and it was obvious – he mother had never heard.
If You recognize yourself in this description, then pause.
1. Divide Your conversations with the child in 2 different types:
Easy communication. Just a conversation in which there is no place instructions. There can be many words, emotions, questions.
Requests, instructions, demands. These are short messages that are repeated once. Then tracked their performance.
2. Assess your requirements.
Young children are very active. They always need movement, play, noise. During the games must be a minimum of bans. Most importantly, hurts themselves, other people, not spoiled securities or other people’s property – the rest can. If you have any expensive toys that need handled carefully, then they can clean up higher and get out on a calm cooperative play with mom and dad.
The large number of requirements and guidance, the child may experience one of two opposite reactions – rebellion or indifference.
If the child rebels . it will destroy everything in its path. Throw tantrums, to resist Your requests. All his force he spends against resistance, whereas this energy is given to him for development and growth.
Indifference – it’s the lack of desire to have a child. This kid will sit in the corner and waits for instructions from mom. What can he do? Dig spatula sand? Swing on a swing? To eat? It’s very sad, because the child simply loses interest in life…
3. Replace the negation of the wish.
Message: “don’t sit on wet” may lead the kid in confusion. Don’t sit – what to do? Your child can easily understand what you want from it, if you say: “get wet” . Everything is clear – we need to stand up!
Some examples of substitutions:
“look out!” – “keep your voice down. Hush…”
“don’t throw the ball in the kitchen” – “Play with a ball in his room”
“You go very slowly!” – “Go faster, please”
And so on…
4. Select the contact.
This often neglected, even for experienced moms. The child has a lot to do! In my head are constant reflections, comparisons, new ideas… it is difficult to instantly break out of this cycle and run to fulfill Your request. And therefore attract the attention of the child, take him by the hand, catch the view, get a return nod -Yes, mom, I heard you.
There are times when you should pay attention than a busy child at the moment and how difficult is it to switch to the execution of the request. Sometimes you need to warn the child in advance. For example, a child in a game or our request would require a complete change of activity:
“After 10 minutes, we will prepare for sleep”
“Another 5 minutes to run and go home”
5. Track the execution of Your instructions.
Said the child need to do – stop, don’t say anything else, look at the reaction of the child.
If did what You asked – smile at him, nod or say “Well” .
If not done – come, take the hand, look her in the eye: “Mom said, pick up the toy. Please do that”
Let my mother’s words, my mother’s requests will be for the child value. Actually, it is such a joy – listen to mom