Summer Vacation: what to do with the child, and where to find a playmate.
  Summer — time, excellent in many respects. The heat don't need to put the piles of clothes before heading out. No children's classes and, therefore, irrelevant logistics associated with…

Continue reading →

Parents and divorce: how to behave after a divorce?
The divorce process is over. Financial problems are solved, begins a new daily life. Each parent now has the right to their privacy. Some people condone divorce quickly, others get…

Continue reading →

Childhood fears

 

According to research, every second child in a particular age experiencing fears. Most often it affects children from two to nine years. At this age the child already sees much and knows a lot, but not all understands, unbridled children’s imagination is not constrained by real world images. However, fears and other emotional disorders in this age, rather say some exaggeration of the norm in the development process than something abnormal.

For example, for a baby seven months OK to be afraid of unfamiliar adults. Real or perceived lack of mothers causes fear to all normally developing children of preschool age.

The range of children’s fears is limited only by the imagination of our kids, and she has no boundaries. Each individual fear and psychologists when dealing with children’s fears pay attention not only to their content, but rather on the cause, the number and severity of these fears. Almost any object or event from the external world may turn to the child in something frightening. For example, one six-year-old boy in a closet with toys lived 18 hairy trolls. In the evening they all came out of the closet and began to look for food. If the boy did not leave them candy or cookies, they were very angry and began to rustle. The other girls are nine years old the whole house at the cottage was haunted. They all hatched unclear, but certainly evil plans. Every trip around the house at dusk, especially when parents weren’t around, turned to the girls in a dangerous adventure. Very often children are afraid of the dark. This fear came to us from our ancestors, when the night, in the dark, come out to hunt the most dangerous and unknown beasts. In the dark live all kinds of spirits, demons, vampires and other creatures of which we are regularly told not only in folk tales and fairy tales, and numerous movies. Quite often, preschool children are afraid of animals. Insects, spiders, worms, children are afraid when they are afraid someone from significant adults.

Among the causes of children’s fears can be distinguished:

1. A very specific case, the event that actually occurred with the child.

Scared the dog, stuck in an Elevator, stuck on the street some unkempt – looking homeless life around diverse and not always safe. Such fears are more easily amenable to correction and if unpleasant events are not repeated, they often go away on their own. Not every child bitten by a dog or locked in the Elevator and develops persistent visible to others fear.

2. The particular nature of the child.

The appearance and, more importantly, the consolidation of fears contribute to traits such as anxiety, mistrust, pessimism, self-doubt, excessive dependence on other people (parents, caregivers, teachers), physical and mental immaturity, pain. All this is background soil from which has arisen in an extreme situation fears to blossom. Where do all of these traits? In very large part – from adults.

3. Intimidating education.

“don’t go to sleep, you Baba Yaga is back!”. “be quiet, and uncle – driver you would take away!”. “the Boys who bad eating takes the bear to the dark forest!”. You’ve probably heard time and again is similar to the “masterpieces” pedagogical impact. Or you have used them, not thinking about the consequences. If the child does not understand the word “impossible”, this miscalculation is not his, and your, and to punish him for that is unfair. Especially to punish fear. If your child is smart enough and has a strong nervous system, he will quickly understand that uncle chauffeur of no matter to him scream and the Baba Yaga for all of his short life so never and not out of the woods. And then he will make for himself a very useful discovery: first I’m afraid this is not worth it, and, secondly, dad and mom often lie to him, that he was “obedient”. And, therefore, can lie.

There is another option – your kid is you really believe. Now he knows that you are able to give it to someone else’s uncle and will not protect him from Baba Yaga. What is it like to be alone with your fear? Do you want your child to experience that feeling? Much better, in the same educational purposes, to inform him that his behavior is unhappy with you personally, it is you, but a sort of Baba Yaga. This would not be a lie, and the child will see that they are dissatisfied the most important for him in this world man is the mother or father. It strongly enough.

4. Anxious parents.

That’s really, truly difficult test for the child’s mind! Very often your child is afraid of something not itself, but because parents are afraid. Especially often this situation happens in families where the mother or grandmother by themselves possess a high level of anxiety, which increased a hundredfold in relation to the baby. Especially if he’s the only late or not too healthy. For such parents, the world around them Chad is filled with dangers: «do Not iron dog – bites”, “don’t walk through the puddles – sick”, “Not to go alone into the yard – there are bullies”. If the child is healthy and mentally stable, he is likely accustomed to, will stop paying for all this attention, treating warnings as adults to the usual background of his life. But the trouble is that heredity and multiple repetition also able to make his black case: anxious mothers often grow anxious children.

5. Children’s imaginations.

Someone is a quality developed more, some less, but the fantasy world is the usual habitat for toddlers – preschoolers (however, younger students too). The imagination of our children has no boundaries, borders will appear later, when we adults, firmly, “will Vdovin” in their little heads that “this cannot be, because can be never. “. But until that happens the kid inhabits the world of the creatures of his imagination, he thus structures it makes it understandable. And somewhat manageable. Only partly, because the offspring of his imagination tend to go out of control, become disobedient and therefore scary. In any case, the child, primitive man, himself creates his own world and his fears.

6. The presence of other more serious disorders.

If, along with fears of a child appear and other disorders of behavior: aggression, sleep disturbance, confusion, tics or stuttering – maybe he’s a psychotic, diagnose and treat want doctors. If the fears of the baby it’s very unusual in their content and in their mode of existence, if a child hears threatening him voice or sees something that others do not see, then it is cause for serious concern and immediate access to a specialist.

If your child has fears, then:

first of all, stop to scare and be scared of themselves

seriously relate to all the feelings that your child is experiencing

ridiculing fears is simply unacceptable: your baby will be closed and will remain with their fear alone

take everything that he tells you about it with complete trust

try to find out exactly what (or who) are afraid of your child? What it looks like (can you draw)? That “it” can do, what his habits, what he wants? What can be done to reduce its strength?

Such a serious and constructive attitude on your part is a powerful psychotherapeutic tool. Mom laughs, mother is not afraid, mum is here and she is sure that “it” can be overcome. And mom is always right. In addition, the pronunciation (or better yet – effective) fear greatly reduces its strength. Try this way to work with your child. In that case, if you meet some difficulties – there is a reason to consult a specialist.