All about the children – the Child is lying
Most of us boil with anger when accusing the child of lying. This discovery hurt us so much because the minute we are usually powerless to do anything about it. Of course, after some time, his violent reaction we justify the fact that a lie is an act of inexcusable and, if you do not pay attention to him, harmful effect first of all on the child. However, we are after all in the childhood lied too and probably say sometimes a lie now. The predefined nature that children will sooner or later begin to lie, and need not be considered by some unusual or abnormal phenomenon.
So of all the ways to prevent such a phenomenon is the most useless and least recommended is to try to scare kids. Finally, the child could be his reasons to lie. Because we have to be prepared for the fact that sooner or later it will happen, you should understand when and why the child is lying and how better to do in such cases. To speak the truth, man must possess a certain degree of intuition and observation, so it is rare that the child began to think of something before reaching 3.5 or 4 years. In General this phenomenon is particularly often manifested at the age of 5 — 6 years. Initially it is in the nature of a “flight” similar to escapism, and there probably fits the definition of fantasy, and not a lie. We actually quite difficult to distinguish one from the other. Fantasies are dreams that children see with open eyes, or embellishment of true events. When Joe says that he ran a real car, or says that he’s the Sheriff, sent to prison four bandits, it is not difficult to guess that he only repeats his game. And it will be nothing like affirmative answer, he will give you to your question, he put in place his skates, and you trip over them, barely will come out in front. Another kind of lie is: a child says he is the younger brother punched him, and he only gave him the change, whereas actually the younger pushed him accidentally, not deliberately.
Here are the four main reasons . why kids lie (Matejcek Z. Parents and children):
To achieve our praise or love.
To hide his guilt.
In order to avoid punishment.
To Express their hostility to us.
If only we are not talking about a completely diffident child, accustomed to lie for several years, typically the kid knows that telling the truth, and does so quite deliberately, even if the causes which impel it to false, it is not clear to it.
Why do we normally make the mistake of reacting sharply to the lies? If we understand the reasons why a child tells a lie, we also understand that our flash in response to his lies will only increase his need to lie. It really will feel even more insecure and will try harder to find an opportunity to praise, to avoid recriminations and punishments. At the same time, his hostility towards us will only increase due to the fact that he had been treated so roughly.
The first thing you need to do in order to wean the baby to lie— to try so emotionally to calm him, so he felt no need to lie. This means that we make a grievous error when we press on children whole weight of our authority. If children are confident in our love and in our good attitude, they will be less reasons to lie. Indeed, often they do it because they fear to tell us the truth. We, parents, need to educate the children, that is entirely on their side.
Want to find out from the child why he did not listen to you, tell him: “Tell me exactly how it happened. Just don’t keep anything from me, since I’m not going to punish you, even if you are guilty of something. I will try to explain to you why you did bad, but not punish”. I foresee that many parents will see in this position allowing the first child to disobey, and then to confess. But we and without that there are many occasions when need to be punished for disobedience and when this punishment does not produce the child’s desire to hide the deed.
Another important hint about the nature of our relationship with the child. More often than we think, we tend to chastise him for failing to do something properly and for errors. We expect children to do much more than they can make. On top of that the situation is complicated by our fatigue and impatience, when we erupt in a hail of accusations and notations, which are absolutely not necessary. In such cases, the child begins to guess that it is possible to save our location so much easier — no need to inform us about all your transgressions, so that we will not know, will not cause him any harm.
Sometimes a child tortured our regular morals and shouting, will want to try to lie to impress outsiders and strengthen your own good self. All we will do for the General improvement of the relationship with the child, will be of great value primarily to prevent lies and will even allow to completely exclude it. If, for example, son accidentally break some thing and we will treat this as a chance rather than deliberate action, he will not lie to us, when exactly the same, accidentally break a vase, and in our absence. In other words, the better the child will feel in our society, especially good performance he will develop himself and the less he will need to hide the truth.
Even children who lie rather from a desire to show their hostility, rather than from the fear of being punished, can benefit by improving relations with parents. They know that lying is annoying us and to speak the truth as bad as it is indecent to speak, but that’s what they want — want to anger parents, even if they have to postpone the punishment. It’s their way of giving back to us in the same coin — because it is such a feat: to get the parents to get out of yourself! This unjust and harmful way they prove to ourselves that don’t depend on the father or mother, sometimes even competing with each other, bragging about who was more able to tell a lie to your parents.
Although it is imperative that we as parents were told the children that honesty is the most worthy way of behavior, we must not forget that their mind develops slowly, in the course of several years. No one is born a liar, as anyone in the world can’t always tell only the truth. Our job is to make sure that children are sincere with us, even in the case where it is more profitable to lie. The child, for example, it is sometimes easier to say, “No, I didn’t eat the cake” to get another one. However, he is unlikely to understand that human relationships would be impossible if he only built on dishonesty and mistrust. The child looks at things very narrowly. For many years he is much more self-absorbed than thoughts about how to benefit society. And we continually confuse his views, sometimes resorting to the so-called “white lies”. He understands that in some cases, we tell lies and when he lies easily find the most fantastic excuses.
Of course, it will take a long time to come to the desired result, but we can speed up this process if teach our children such confidence that they won’t have any need to lie. And at the same time, the more we will encourage them and reward for good deeds, the more they will be inclined to tell the truth (D. Lashley To work with young children).