Parents and divorce: how to behave after a divorce?
The divorce process is over. Financial problems are solved, begins a new daily life. Each parent now has the right to their privacy. Some people condone divorce quickly, others get used to the new position over a long period of time. An adult, of course, finally, it will survive and will pilestredet.
What happens to the child? From an early age, he grew up surrounded by relatives, primarily grandparents, relatives and friends of father and mother. Now this circle of people, these connections can be broken.
There is a perception that the relationship between the former spouses and their relatives must be interrupted forever, the child and the parent could Kok possible to break with the past. This solution is very controversial. The causes and reasons for feuding relatives, may be different. Often a daughter-in-law doesn’t get along with my husband’s parents. Sometimes antipathy to him there before the divorce. It is possible that it appeared reasonable. Sometimes this discontent is brewing during the disintegration of the family. The same can be said about mothers-in-law, who for some reason disliked his son-in-law, and after the divorce, daughter is starting to hate him. However, his relationship to the son-in-law they almost never transferred to grandchildren.
Quarrels spouses would have to be only their business and not to touch the older and younger generations. Children usually love their grandparents, who spend more time with them than with the ever-busy parents, And during the divorce, the children are often in the care of grandmothers, as exhausted parents have no time to deal with children.
It is relatively easier to solve this problem in those families where the children emotionally more connected with the father and mother of the parent with whom they remain after the divorce. Grandmother with the “other side” grandchildren usually forget quickly if they are accustomed to rarely see her and get her gifts only on Christmas holiday. Much harder is the child who grew up in the hands of grandparents, with whom he now has to leave because the mother leaves the family after her divorce from her husband and takes her baby with her. It is possible that over time the child is released from grandparents. New living conditions, different environment, different interests can take over the child, he may quickly forget about the past. But there is another side. Very often, divorce is much harder for parents divorcing spouses than for themselves. And the idea that they parted with grandkids, it becomes a tragedy for them.
Divorced spouses should strive to maintain the respect of their children to grandparents. They should stay for the child as loved ones as they were before the divorce, father and mother.
It was a hard decision. After the divorce the mother and child moved to another apartment, and the father stayed in the same place with his parents. The conflict between the parents, the child reacted relatively calmly. But separation from grandmother, he could not move, as she was very attached to it. Grandma also loved touching granddaughter.
Before the daughter-in-law was a question: “is it necessary to break this connection or she must give (that was hard)? Whether to allow the girl to come to the house that she can’t consider her?”
Grandparents on the mother’s side lived far away, so the child was not tied to them. A divorced daughter-in-law found the strength and robbed old people loved granddaughter, and daughter – grandparents. Time has smoothed the tragedy, and the relationship of the bride to the parents of her former husband remained the same as they were in the first years of life together. Gradually disappeared former strife and trouble. Grandma knew that the daughter-in-law can forbid the girl to visit her, and the daughter-in-law appreciated the assistance that was provided by the grandmother. During the illness of the child’s grandmother all the time there were about girls. In the recovery period she lived with my grandmother, so the mother could go to work.
However, this situation is not easy. It requires both sides with great tact and patience. Both parties should not allow any negative remarks and actions against the father or mother of the child. In the example, from time to time had trouble due to the fact that the grandmother tried to justify her son in the eyes of a child. In this case anything bad about the mother she never talked, but the girl often came from grandma silent, behaved closed and only after a few days told what had happened.
Therefore, such problem can be solved only in those families, members of which are sufficient tact, kindness, objectivity and skill wise to approach the situation. If children are in the atmosphere, which is constantly insulting their parents, if they are tactless questions, listen to other comments, we can assume that the education of these children are in great danger. With pedagogical and psychological points of view in such cases it is better to limit the child’s relationship with grandparents rare meetings. You can invite grandparents to visit, not to complicated upbringing of the child and not violated his daily life.
The preparation of the child for the meeting with his father had left the family sometimes accompanied by a nervous tension for all involved. Child go with different instructions offer answers to possible questions, dictate forbidden topics of conversation. Baby dress up, prepare for the meeting. He is very excited, as you do not know what awaits him there, he knows not what awaits him at home later on when he gets back. Visiting a child can sometimes become a new arena of “struggle” divorced spouses where they carry still a conflict that did not allow divorce.
The child is happy, if it is to meet with the father calmly, without fear, if he is waiting for this meeting, during which he feels, if he can happily go back home because nobody had pressure. Parents should strive to build your relationship so that these meetings brought only positive results, did not put the negative imprint in the vulnerable soul of the child.