Why kids can’t hear us or don’t want to hear?
“I told him 10 times already said – and he is “zero” reactions! Did you even hear me?” Sometimes, parents may infuriate the situation when the child ignores their requests, pretends he can’t hear, don’t do so, as requested by parents. He quietly continues its exciting activities, or Vice versa protesting, rebelling and doing the opposite. Options child on our statements can be varied, but a rebuke of parents one – he does not want me to listen, I have the feeling that me he never hears!
Why is this happening? Because a little child is not making plans on how to kill their parents, to teach them a lesson, and educate. His reactions are more like an automatic reaction, a reflection of our relationship with him. And if the child cannot hear you, it is a litmus test, showing that you exist at different wavelengths with their child that the cooperative relationship between us.
And that could serve this. We would like to enumerate the reasons that lead to this result:
The most harmless and easily correctable option, when the child really cannot hear you due to the fact that immersed in the game state, in the world of fantasy . He is so fascinated by this that wafting voice is just not seen. Generally, the child’s play is better not to interrupt, without special occasion. But if the occasion is really important, first make sure that when you say the child looks at you, his attention fully focused games on you and only then will say more about this, read the article “the World through the eyes of a child”.
In all other cases, the child really doesn’t want to listen to their parents. In order to better feel these reasons, mentally switch roles with your child and imagine:
And you want to listen to the people who are constantly tedious and authoritarian voice repeating the same thing “I told you…”. And do you want to start to change for the better, to be better, to be good?
And I would like to listen to people who are more likely to say hurtful phrases and comparing you with other not for the better, rather than speak words of encouragement and approval?
And you want to listen to people who almost always say “No, Impossible, dangerous, fall, don’t touch”…
And I want to listen to the people who don’t pay any attention, when you really behave impeccably. But always pay attention at the slightest mistakes and oversights, and will point to it.
Maybe you want to listen to people who ignore your requests and busy talking with her friends on the phone or, not looking up, watching TV, only responding now-now, wait, wait, that’s at best.
Or, maybe you want to listen to people who already have decided when and what to do, where to go and where to sit, and even whom you will be in the future, and the mythical freedom of choice you can now only dream of.
Because the child wasn’t a monster who comes to distract from important issues. By the way he even understands when he does something, but sometimes, it’s the only way to draw attention to themselves, to cause very vivid emotions of their parents. He’d be glad to do something for his beloved mother, but encountering boring-instructive attitude, just unable to do as asked mom to save their self
And yet, in my opinion, the most important factor that is often not taken at all into account when debriefing disobedient children: the Child does not hear us and does not fulfill our requests when he is not obedient and independent mom – he just charges you an example. If every utterance of the Pope – mom has an opinion and argument against, that is, the mother does not listen to dad – the child will not listen.
And another note, do you listen to your own parents? Or all the time arguing with them?
As you can see, banal not obedience hides a varied variety of reasons. In fact, the causes of disobedience does not lie in the child, and in ourselves. And with a child, in fact, to do nothing.
And what’s the solution? Simple and at the same time simple to perform, requiring exit from their own automatic reactions and awareness of their sometimes emotional actions and utterances. Modify your own position in relation to the child: demanding, authoritarian and instructive – position open to dialogue and cooperation, taking the views of the child: his desire to do something or not to do.
Never humiliate your child. listen to him, why he “closes the ears”, record your voice on the recorder and listen to yourself, would you want to listen to such a person? Practice active listening, calmly explaining the feelings of the child himself (read more about this in the book of Y. B. Gippenreiter “to Communicate with the child. How?”).
Be a true woman, who never argues with her husband and watching their speech. Only then the child will be happy or feel obligated to hear and obey their parents.
And a deeper understanding of this topic will help you an extract from the lecture chief was Torsunov O. G. “Secrets of parenting”:
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