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Conflict in the interaction of parents and children


This kind of conflict – one of the most common in everyday life. However, it is to some extent overlooked by psychologists and educators. We do not consider the problem of the conflict of generations, which is much wider and is actively developed by sociologists. More than 700 of psycho-pedagogical work on the problem of conflict is unlikely to be typed with a dozen other publications, centred on the problem of conflicts between parents and children. She usually studied in the context of a more extensive research; family relations, age crises, the influence of marital conflict on children’s development. However, it is impossible to find such a family, where there was no conflict between parents and children. Even in wealthy families in more than 30% of the cases observed relationship conflict (from the point of view of a teenager) with both parents.

Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? In addition to the General causes of conflict relations between people, which are discussed above, highlight the psychological factors of conflicts in the interaction between parents and children.

1. The type of family relations. Emit harmonious and disharmonious types of family relationships. In a harmonious family is a sliding equilibrium, which is manifested in the design of psychological roles of each family member, the family “We”, the ability of family members to resolve differences.

Disharmony of the family is a negative marital relationship, which is expressed in the conflict interaction between spouses. The level of psychological stress in the family tends to increase, leading to neurotic reactions of its members, to create a feeling of constant anxiety in children.

2. The destructiveness of family education. Identify the following features of destructive types of education:

the odds of family members in education; *

inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy *

custody and bans in many areas of children’s lives *

increased demands on the children, the frequent use of threats, condemnations,

3. Age crises of children are considered as factors in increased conflict. The age crisis is a period of transition from one stage of child development to another. In critical periods, the children become disobedient, Moody, irritable. They often come into conflict with others, especially with parents. They have a negative attitude towards previously performed, amounting to obstinacy. There are the following age crises of children:

the crisis of the first year (transition from infancy to early childhood) *

crisis “three years” (the transition from early childhood to preschool age) *

the crisis of 6-7 years (transition from preschool to elementary school age) *

the crisis of puberty (the transition from primary school to adolescence 12-14 years old) *

adolescent crisis 15-17 years.

4. The personal factor. Environment personal characteristics of parents contributing to their conflicts with children, allocate the conservative way of thinking, adherence to outdated rules of behaviour and bad habits (drinking alcohol, etc.), authoritarianism judgments, Orthodoxy of belief, etc. Among personality characteristics of children referred to as such as low academic performance, misconduct, neglect of the recommendations of parents, and disobedience, stubbornness, selfishness and self-centeredness, arrogance, laziness, etc. Thus, the conflict can be represented as the result of errors of parents and children.

Allocate the following types of relationships between parents and children:

the best type of relationships between parents and children *

need can’t call it, but the parents involved in the children, and the children share their thoughts *

rather, parents involved in care of children than children share with them (there is overall dissatisfaction) *

rather, children have the desire to share with their parents than those worried about the interests and activities of children *

behavior, life aspirations of children cause family conflicts, and rather right parents *

behavior, life aspirations of children cause family conflicts, and is more likely to be right children; *

parents do not delve into the interests of the children, and the children are not willing to share with them (the contradiction was not noticed by parents and escalated into conflict, mutual exclusion).

Most often, conflicts arise with parents with teenage children. Psychologists have identified the following types of adolescent conflict with parents: conflict in the parental relationship instability (constant change of the evaluation criteria of the child); the conflict of hyperopic; conflict of disrespect of the rights to independence (the totality of the guidance and control); the conflict of paternal authority (the desire to succeed in the conflict at any price ).

Usually the child on claims and conflict the actions of the parents is responsible for such reactions (strategies), as:

the reaction of the opposition (demonstrative action of a negative character) *

the reaction of refusal (disobedience to parents) *

the reaction of the insulation (the desire to avoid unwanted contact with parents, information hiding and actions). On this basis the main areas of conflict prevention parents with children can be the following:

1. Improving pedagogical culture of parents, allowing to consider age-related psychological characteristics of children, their emotional state.

2. The organization of the family collectively. The overall Outlook, specific job duties, traditions of mutual assistance, joint Hobbies are the basis to identify and resolve any disputes.

3. The verbal reinforcement of the requirements of the circumstances of the educational process.

4. Interest in the inner world of children, their concerns and interests. According to psychologists, constructive behavior of parents in conflict with young children can to contribute to the following:

always be aware of the child’s identity

take into account that each new situation requires a new solution

try to understand the demands of a small child

remember that change takes time

contradiction to perceive as factors of normal development

to show consistency in relation to the child

most offer a choice of several alternatives

to approve different versions of constructive behavior

together to find a way out through changes in the situation

to reduce the number of “no” and increase the number of “possible”

limited to enforce penalties, while respecting their justice and the need;

to give the child the opportunity to feel the inevitable negative consequences of his misconduct; logical way to explain the possibility of negative consequences

to extend the range of moral rather than material incentives

use a positive example for other children and parents

to consider the ease of switching attention in young children.


Anzupow A. I. A. I. Shipilov Conflict studies: Textbook for universities. – M. Unity, 1999.

Dmitriev A. Kudryavtsev V. Kudryavtsev, S. Introduction to the General theory of conflict. – M. 1993.

Karataev J. A. the Psychology of conflict. – M. WACHS, 1992.

Oleinik A. N. The basics of conflictology. – M. APO, 1992.

Sysenko V. A. Marital conflicts. – M. Thought, 1989.

Ishmuratova V. A. Conflict and consent – M. Nauka, 1999.

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Kovalev S. V. psychology of the modern seven “. – Science, 1999

Seven “I am. Guide. Education, 2000.