Rules for parents
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Why children lie and what to do if your child is cheating?
  "Our son/daughter is lying! What do we do?" is a frequent complaint of parents in the office of a child psychologist. Parents wonder why their child is lying, because…

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Lying or fantasizing?

You suddenly feel that what your child says is far from the truth. How to recognize harmless whether it’s fantasy or outright lies, for which there is a reluctance to tell you the truth, and what to do in such cases:

To identify lying or fantasizing your kid, not an easy task. Remember the story of Nikolay Nosov’s “the Dreamers”. Two boys sit on a bench and tell each other stories about bitten off by a shark head and flying to the moon. There’s a new hero, hearing their conversation, said no good on their fantasies, no. And told his story about how he was yesterday, having eaten half a tin of jam, pinned it on his sister, resulting in the mother punished her, and gave him an extra portion of sweet. Border of lies and fantasy is obvious.

Why child fantasizes?

It is we adults believe that the world is reality, the truth of life. The child’s relationship with the world that surrounds them – are different. A world in which the baby lives, filled not only real, but also fabulous events. Children dream to try on the role of a magician, and therefore fantasize. Don’t stop baby, unleash children’s imagination. It is useful for its development.

As a rule, children begin to invent in 3-4 years, and 5-6 is already struggling fantasize. They believe in good and evil wizards. They believe in Christmas miracles. Because of their psychological characteristics they beat the game plot, giving the characters thoughts and feelings of real people, cartoon characters and movies. Game stories become reality: guns “really” shoot; submarine, collected from a major designer, “really” sinks to the bottom; straw hat, pulled down over his eyes, helps to believe that this is a cap of invisibility, so here we go wonders:

All of this is a child’s fantasy: a naive, direct, friendly and selfless. In most cases, it only shows imagination. But it happens that children begin to invent, to complement your inner world, what they lack. According to specialists more often fantasize this lonely, confined children. Of them often grow creatively gifted people. If the kid openly fantasizes, in any case, we cannot say that he is lying.

You need to understand why the child invents. For example, the son can imagine yourself as the hero who defeats the enemies, if he is physically weak. And the girl will tell you that Pinocchio didn’t want to sleep, climbed under the bed, amused everyone if she doesn’t like “quiet time”. It is necessary to direct the imagination of the kid in creativity. When you hear a new story, say, “Great! From your story will have an interesting tale. Try to write or draw”. So the invention will be an occasion to create a literary “masterpiece”.

But the dreamer can turn into an empty dreamer. If the child instead of learning to overcome difficulties and constantly dreams of something, invent. Perhaps, it will produce little useful to the life of the people. Such children occasionally need to “return to earth”.

Fantasy is harmless, can not be said about lies.

If children lie, it is definitely to blame adults. Because they require the child to speak only the truth, and heard it, punish. Therefore, there is little dreamers thoughts as to cheat, to keep back, to misquote.

Fear of punishment is the main reason that explains why the child is lying. First-grader loves after school to play school yard ball. And mom it suits for the defeat: “Don’t you know that you two have to be home?!” In such cases, children are forced to lie. Next time my mom knew that her son was a “homeroom” or he helped a friend wash the Desk. And Vice versa: in families where no abuse children on any occasion and able to listen, reason to lie there.

One of the reasons why children lie – parental selfishness and thoughtlessness. Any trouble the child is perceived senior as something terrible. Bad evaluation, torn pants, and even a sandwich, which he ate in school – all parents are child spacing: “you can’t do that !” The kid hits hard critics circle, the only way out is self-defense. The kids want to not only avoid punishment, but also ridicule. And deception in such cases is nothing but a tactical deterrent. The desire to avoid conflict forces children to resort to untruth. So there is no “unnecessary” pages from the diary, invented all sorts of stories, unexpected illness.

Is that cheating is the only way to achieve the goal, to circumvent the prohibitions. But sometimes the hype doesn’t matter, child or adult, is justified by the reluctance to tattle, to disclose the secrets of friends .

What to do? So, if your child starts to tell a lie, the first question you need to answer yourself: why should your baby? Perhaps talking about what they had seen flying saucers encountered monsters or some kind of magic, your child meets the requirements in the desire to belong to a fabulous, vivid, unusual, in the desire to embellish, to bring some colour to the existing reality. In this case, nothing wrong with that. Thus the little man realizes his rich imagination, showing remarkable creativity. Here is the best reaction from your side, dear parents, will be a desire to accompany him, together, to dream, to write a whole fairy story, play a game of “what if. “(for example, what will grow, if you put a paint brush or a smile). In this case, can help the special literature, fairy tales for selected topics

If you notice that a child tells a lie, wanting to hide from you the true state of things, simply put, is cheating, then you need to seriously think about why he does it. In such cases, psychologists believe that a lie they say those who can’t tell the truth, that is, he who responds incorrectly, showing his anger and rejection of the personality of the speaker. For example, a first grader got a bad mark or remark. He understands that if you learn about it, you will swear, to lecture, and maybe even get the belt. Therefore, wanting to protect yourself from unpleasant consequences, on the one hand, and not to frustrate you, on the other, to your question: “How was school?” the kid answered: “All right!”, tucking the journal away. If it showed up, you don’t react to the bitter truth, do not provide personal support for the young person in a difficult moment of his life. It is a signal that he’s terrified of you, and it is scary, as between you over time there will be a wall of misunderstanding and alienation, and in adolescence will lead to negative consequences: the escape from home, care in drug abuse, rudeness and rudeness, neglect of family, artful lies, turning into a habit to speak the truth always and everywhere.

To avoid this, make sure that the child was not afraid to speak the truth, learn to calmly react to it. Show that you love your child the way he is, despite all his failures and blunders. Show him love without any conditionality, “I still love you, even if you are alone two and the comments, although I was greatly disappointed”. Analyze your behavior: what your action could provoke the kid on cunning and deception. Remember, as you in his childhood told a lie (because it was!) share current experiences of their child.

Do not provoke additional child lies your questions “tricky”, demanding confessions, do not make the interrogation and trial of a “criminal”.

Do not let the example of their dishonesty (please tell me on the phone that You are away), stick to your promises, and when unable, reasonably explain, and not indifferent to dismiss: “you never know what I was talking about.”

Then the child and you do not need to lie. However, everything depends on you!